I quite often find myself in dreams that make me feel uncomfortable, creeped out, our generally nauseated, but never up until now have been in a dream that has included all three stomach churning feelings topped with a necessary need for reflection.
As I sunk deeper into my dream state and psyche, I found this scene at the end of my journey, a frigid reality hidden under the inescapably surreal world. After experiencing a scene unfamiliar to my own life with people unknown to me and that promptly turned into a psychological horror film complete with changes in perception, screaming and biting doorknobs, a question of one's own sanity, and stars Bruce Cambell (my persona at the time resembled him quite alot).
But before I could finish watching this lovely film I was transported to another world that framed the meat of my story. I was running from a crazy rich lady and her goons at night, I hid behind cars and other objects until I was able to hide long enough to lose them. I found a house that took me in, the only reason I knew I was supposed to go to there was because it was the same house that was in the previous scene, only less creepy. A man and his very bodacious servants took me in. Although it was still an unfamiliar world, my mind synced this event to the experiences at CSSSA. Despite this place being a house and my stay for CSSSA was at CalArts, the two synced together as one and I soon realized that my life reversed two years.
I could officially say that I was freaked out. "Holy shit. How did this happen? Oh God, what am I supposed to do?"
At first I was scared, but soon realized the benefit to this. I could have a second chance at my actions. I could meet more people, reverse events that I didn't want to happen. I could save myself from the idiotic mistakes that I made before. I was soon able to spot people I met later in life within that day. I talked to them, making my association with them sooner so I could receive the benefits of knowing them. For example, multiple people I work with now were in my dream, I felt it necessary to talk to them so I could secure a job at the Wild Animal Park a couple years sooner.
Honestly, if your life reversed with your knowledge of the future still intact, the limits of what you can do are half way to the Sun. "Wise investments," winning loto numbers, greater forsight and knowledge. Two years isn't that long, but its long enough to result into some major changes in one's life. One prospect for me was that I was single again, relatively (My sub-concious deemed that the relationship issues I had then were much to complicated to project so he just fed my conscious that I was single).
However, my actions in this new life were halted instantly by one emotion, happiness. I remembered how happy I am with my life "in the future." Aside from the realization the I shouldn't mess with proper flow of time, I realized I didn't want to change anything in my life, especially if it may have result in me losing Kayla in this new life. I would lose my spirit and joy in the world, if I never experienced the things I have now. Instead of regretting the could haves, the would haves and the should haves that we so dwell on in our lives, I would have regretted what was supposed to have been. After my realization, the world became quite, everything in it ran without me, I asked my kind host if I could find some private quarters to rest for the evening for I didn't feel good and desired to rest. After much kind objections to this for he made a delicious meal that he wished me to eat, he pointed me to the sleeping quarters. I had resolved to call Kayla.
I soon woke up. I looked around and examined my surrounding. I found myself in my bedroom. A quiet, but nonetheless great joy came over me. I was so happy that it wasn't real. However, my stomach still felt churned from the realization of my fate in that dream, my heart ached, and I felt mentally and emotionally drained. However, I can't explain how happy I am to still be in the present. The dream made me realize that I can't regret what I have done or wished I could have done in the past, I can only live on and be happy with what happens in the present and what will unfold in the future.
No more regrets, no more frustration, I just have to live.
Eccentrically yours,
Damien
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